The Gift of Being Single?

During our recent holiday, my wife and I met several of her former school and university friends, as well as a few of her cousins. One particular observation struck me by surprise: a significant number of them are single, with very few being married or having a partner. I recall reading somewhere that in Southern European countries, it is highly common for children to leave their parents' home at a very late stage, or even to remain living with them indefinitely. 

My wife once explained that the primary reason young people choose not to start a family, or delay doing so until much later, is the prevailing economic situation. They simply cannot afford to buy a home or support a family when finding a well-paid job is nearly impossible. This difficulty explains why so many Italians have moved abroad; in Italy, securing employment often relies entirely on personal connections, particularly within the civil service.

Yet, I noticed that several of her single friends and cousins are actually quite secure economically. One of her friends, for instance, has her own home inherited from her parents, alongside two other apartments that she rents out. Others work in stable roles as teachers or civil servants. Consequently, the economic argument cannot be the sole explanation.

Could there be another factor at play? I wonder if this phenomenon is linked to what I would call over-parenting, a state where they are over-protected, constantly shielded by parental love, and consequently afraid of facing the harsh realities of the world. Of course, I cannot speculate too deeply on this as I have no way to verify it; it is perhaps more of a prejudice than a solid thesis. Still, I often wonder how so many families of modest means in London manage to raise one or more children. Life in London is remarkably expensive and challenging, yet they start families regardless. Given that these families are predominantly non-European, perhaps the over-parenting theory does indeed have some merit.

Another explanation I recently encountered is the influence of smartphones and social media. Though it is difficult to credit, an article in the *Financial Times* suggested precisely this, pointing out that declining birthrates, rising divorce rates, and widespread singleness have coincided directly with the advent of smartphones. While it remains hard to believe entirely, I increasingly think there may be some truth to it.

There is, however, another dimension to this situation. Many of the friends and cousins we met suffer from depression, a circumstance I find difficult to comprehend. For instance, the friend I mentioned who owns two rental properties, I often think that she should simply enjoy her life, use her money to travel, or perhaps start a charity, which might bring her satisfaction and help remedy her depression. Another one has recently become even wealthier after inheriting a house from her aunt, yet she too suffers from depression. I wish I could help them and bring some joy into their lives.

Reflecting on these issues, I find myself feeling somewhat jealous of the older generation, specifically my wife's parents. They are the beneficiaries of the social system established after World War II. Though they are not rich, they live a decent life supported by the pensions they receive, frequently travelling around the island where they live. They can afford a comfortable, if not luxurious, existence. In contrast, my generation, my wife and I, will not enjoy such comfort in our old age. We will not receive a sufficient pension, meaning we must either work until we die or face an earlier death. Life is so expensive that almost all of our earnings are spent on food, housing, and other essentials, leaving nothing to save for our later years. In the end, the argument comes full circle. Perhaps, after all, it is the economy.